Well, i suppose i just better come out and say it.
But it's late and i need to be up tomorrow and this requires a lot of articulation to truly capture the essence of what i feel. And so i don't sound like a cock. So i'll write it tomorrow.
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Sunday, 28 September 2008
University and Relationships
Basically, the problem is; the long distance relationship thing. The GF is in London whilst i am in Manchester. But that's not just it. The problem is the basis of our relationship. I set out with a slightly ambiguous aim, that aim was to make her happy. Perhaps due to my life experiences i could see that she was deeply unhappy, there was a part of her missing; i set out with the aim to..enable her to fulfill herself. Essentially. And that has happened. Now the aim has been fulfilled i want to be able to let her go, to let her eperience the world in which we live as the full person she has now become, due wholly to herself.
It seems like the perfect set up; she is happy, we are most unfortunately in different cities and so the relationship seems..like it would be hard to continue. I love her, just not in the way that is conventional for two lovers to feel. And i will always love her in his way, i can not force myself to feel any other way about her. I most deeply wish that was possible but, unfortunately, it's not. I miss her prescence, i miss her being around me, i miss being able to look her in the eyes. And no matter how long our relationship continues i will always feel like that, as we will only ever be able to see each other every other weekend.
It seems as though, as my aim has been fulfilled and the only way we can be together is long distance, that there is no point in it anymore. I know when i have to say goodbye to her, a small part of me will be eaten away, and every time we have to say goodbye this will happen. There'll be nothing left. It'll just be a temporary limbo-state relationship. Not a real one.
Originally, we were going to stay together; we decided mutally. Then i suggested we do the long distance thing & she agreed, i thought it was for the best. I really just bottled it; that was my opportunity, and now it's gone.
And i don't know what to do; remain in this limbo relationship or bite the bullet and break up. I just want her to be happy; i want for her happiness more than i do for my own. If we do break up it'll be at Christmas.
Merry christmas darling.
It seems like the perfect set up; she is happy, we are most unfortunately in different cities and so the relationship seems..like it would be hard to continue. I love her, just not in the way that is conventional for two lovers to feel. And i will always love her in his way, i can not force myself to feel any other way about her. I most deeply wish that was possible but, unfortunately, it's not. I miss her prescence, i miss her being around me, i miss being able to look her in the eyes. And no matter how long our relationship continues i will always feel like that, as we will only ever be able to see each other every other weekend.
It seems as though, as my aim has been fulfilled and the only way we can be together is long distance, that there is no point in it anymore. I know when i have to say goodbye to her, a small part of me will be eaten away, and every time we have to say goodbye this will happen. There'll be nothing left. It'll just be a temporary limbo-state relationship. Not a real one.
Originally, we were going to stay together; we decided mutally. Then i suggested we do the long distance thing & she agreed, i thought it was for the best. I really just bottled it; that was my opportunity, and now it's gone.
And i don't know what to do; remain in this limbo relationship or bite the bullet and break up. I just want her to be happy; i want for her happiness more than i do for my own. If we do break up it'll be at Christmas.
Merry christmas darling.
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