The Big O

Put, quite simply, it just won't happen for me. Just won't. It refuses to come. Ha. Not funny.

And it's not like i even know what i'm missing out on; i've never had one. Which makes me think; "am i broken? can i come? am i one of those poor unfortunate 1 in 1000 women who can not orgasm?!" and then of course those thoughts lead on to lots more undersireable ones, but mentally, i don't usually go there. No point in dwelling on something unfixable; i'll only make it worse for myself.

But now it really has got quite bad. Even the GF noticed it. It was very delicately handled, and i'm glad she said it but i have no answer to the statement "you don't seem to have as much fun as me." Because the truth would be a yes, yes; i don't have as much fun as you.

The reason for this is two fold. In all absolute honesty, she doesn't really turn me on. And i don't know why because when we first got together i did fancy her, but now its just not there. That wouldn't really be a problem if i knew how on earth to turn myself on. Which i don't. It is so confusing. And i don't want to drag her into this mess.

I suppose i was sort of hoping that it would sort itself out but it seems to be taking longer than i thought. I don't know. Maybe i should just try wanking instead. But the batteries in my vibe have gone. Le sigh. And i only used it twice (on my own).