Exams

These are the last exams public exams i'll sit. A2, mostly synoptic, exams. There is no lying that they will be hard, they are hard. The topics are hard, gaining a full understanding is hard, and, for humanities subjects, expressing that understanding in essay format is that one step harder.

I could go through explaining the UMS points system, which exam boards use to calculate grades and therefore set grade boundries, but it is a tad boring. Suffice to say its a load of normally distributed bullshit. Especially with regards to coursework. But there you go. Life is imperfect.

It is stressful. If i don't do at least 3 hours of revision a day, which basically means if i don't do any as if i sit down to work then i'll work for 6 hours straight, i get this errie feeling. Like..a cloud of personal dissapointment is descending upon me and i get one step further from university.

Which is another thing. Right now, all i can focus on is exams. It's like tunnel vision. In my mind, i'm not into university, in reality, i'm not into university, so it doesn't help when people ask "so where you going then" and i have to reply "well, manchester hopefully, if i get the grades." The system is set up in such a ridiculous manner. It's absurd. They rush you through your final year at school, don't have time to teach everything, chuck some stuff at you about student loans and then bundle you off. Without somuch as a proper goodbye. Then, you're sat doing your exams whilst people are constantly badgering you about how brilliant it is that you're going to BlaBla. You are NOT going to BlaBla, no matter how many people you're irritatingly proud Mother tells, you are NOT going to BlaBla until you have the grades that they need. And that, my dearies, is most definately not yet. That comes on August 14th. Then Mother can boast all she bloodywelllikes about how amazing you are. Or look like a right div when you flop.

After the exams are over we are having goodbye things.

But, God, i am scared. Genuinely terrified.