From the Start

To clear my head. I find it quite invasive when, whilst in the library attempting to study, i can not manage to concentrate for more than 15 minutes without these issues popping up in my mind.

The GF and i have broken up. The last time we were together and in a relationship was a month ago tomorrow. For me, that is when we broke up. That was when i saw her and realised that i couldn't do it anymore; from then onwards it was a ticking clock. Don't get me wrong; i love her. And i always will, just not in the way thats needed. If only there were more than one word for love. I will always love her, always want to be there for her, i would do anything for her if she asked but i am not in love with her. And i couldn't have continued the way we were; so far apart, with no real..reason to stay together. And now she is gone. And we are a month on. And i have closure, we have talked; she is alright.

But there has been another person; someone who was initially just an object to distract my attention, but has now..well, i really quite like her. Quite a lot. And it's awful to say that, because it's not wholly true. I only realised what was happening until it was too late. Gosh, all this writing makes it real. Brings to life a touch of clarity which is what i've been missing lately. But, in essence, i like this girl, quite a lot, and i think there may be a chance that she likes me too. So i'm going to go for it. When she's back off reading week. Which is a blessing in disguise as it gives us some space from each other as it's all a bit of a head fuck. To be honest. Which, in itself indicates that its not the best thing ever to be doing but as they say, no regrets. And i would regret it if i didn't go for it.

Is it the best thing to be going straight from one relationship to another? [making the large assumption that that may infact happen] Perhaps not, but does it have to have positive or negative connotations? [on the assumption that it does indeed happen] No. As it's just a thing.

The title of this post was; "from the start." But i've not written anything of what i wanted. Perhaps as writing it brings home how true it all is, and, when living this university life, everything feels like a bubble. A little bubble with Halls and University and The City (where the clubs/pubs/bars live) in which anything can happen and it won't be real. But it is, and when things happen outside the bubble, it brings home just how real the real world is.

For now, at least, i am in desperate need of a fag. So, off i go to buy some tobacco.