A New Year

Reflecting on this year brings tears to my eyes. I didn't believe that i could ever have achieved what i have; i am at Medical School, i studied and got the grades i needed [despite never actually knowing if it was possible for me to acheive them] and i have moved to a totally alien city and made new friends. I broke up with the GF, who is now the former-GF. Then, when semester 1 started all i did was work and drink to..avoid..something. And i don't know what that something is. But that same something is why i spent so much of semester 1 in tears.

Life is obviously never going to be easy and what tests us are the ways in which we deal with these conflicts, with these [i'm not going to say something cheesy like challenge, or obstacle, which most blatantly indicates that you're able to overcome it and gleen a positive from a negative *go team*] difficulties is what shapes us. If we crumble inside and cut and scream and bleed and hate ourselves more every day we breath then that makes for a pretty messed up person who will very soon die. If we lash out at everyone around us when the shit hits the fan then we end up with no friends. If we cry..there's always the danger of falling into a pit of self pity, but, on a personal level, crying is the best for me to deal with difficulties. So, i spent a lot of semester 1 in tears.

I still find it slightly hard to comrehend. There is one issue in particular which i'm struggling to digest, but not to accept. I accepted the reality of the situation just after it had been spoken about. What happened between Hg and i is still slightly..it's a mess in my head. I can't believe it happened, i can't believe it didn't happen, but most of all even i am surprised we've managed to remain friends. And not just friends that talk occasionally but good friends, one of the closest friends i have at university. Objectively, that makes for a bit of a strange start. But that's not being obective. That's tip toeing round the subject. Objectively, honestly, i don't know. I think it may just have to be accepted and not understood. Swallowed.