Shattered

Literally.

The fucking light bulb, and not a small fucking light bulb, the fuck off massive long industrial sized ones they're horrifically installed in our 1960's style rooms, shattered everywhere. Literally everywhere. On my bed, my floor, my desk, my clothes, the bay window, glass was ven in my shoes. It took the best part of an hour to hover up. I am so pissed off. All this hassle would have been saved if they had kept to their fucking health and safety guidelines and installed, with the fuck off ugly light bulb, a cover. Just a simple plastic cover. But no. The stupid fuckwits didn't, they left the bulb exposed. I keep writing 'buld' instead of bulb. I need to get the dyselxia testing sorted.

It seems as though bad luck is following me around. Yesterday, after waiting 3 weeks and running out of knickers, i did my washing. The stupid fucking machine fucked it up, washed it all in freezing cold water and then didn't do a spin cycle at the end so what recieved me as i opened the door was soaking wet, freezing cold washing weighing at least 7 kg. So i lugged it into the lift and spent, again, the best part of an hour wringing it out and hanging it up. That took the piss.

The shower knob thing fell off just now when i attempted a 'relaxing' shower to calm my pissed off self down.

Last night several of us went out. It was good fun, an indie club [£4 entry a little steep though] with good music but a pretty generic clientele. Very..unoriginal. Towards the end i went out for a cigarette and found Hg with a guy, who was blatantly chatting her up. He was wearing eye liner. I immediately judged him and thought he was a twat. He turned out to be one anyway, so i was right. Hg went inside after she's finished smoking. Twat face and i continued our conversation, about God. As soon as we had started i knew that either it would be one of the best conversations of the night or so bad i'd just have to walk away. The line he used was; "i have friends wh are religious but.." and then he would proceed to insult faith without even stepping up to the table and accepting that religion was not emperical, it was a philosophy.

I can't stand rude people at the best of times. But rude people who think they're excused from the rules of etiquete because they have a friend. Fuck me darling, we all have friends. Just because a nazi knew a jewish person that they didn't kill don't make them any less of a fucking nazi. It's like being 14 and using the line 'i'm not being rude but..' and then calling your opponant a cock sucking whore [because they obviously deserved it and you were just telling the truth].

The second thing that made this guy, and many other people, such as Richard 'Twat Face' Dawkins unbelivably irritating was his absolute and unshakable faith in science. Their faith in science is equally as irrational as my faith in God, they, however, don't seem to see it like that. I am going to rude now, i'm pre-warning you, and, for the record, i have athiest friends; for most everyday run of the mill people to have faith in science is ridiculous; it's a thing that even the most intelligent of proffesors are still trying to uncode. I've spent my life learning about atoms and their interactions and my degree will enable me to understand the integral workings of the human body and how it works the way it does, but no proffessor will ever be able to tell me why. They could point out the loci of the gene which codes for the protien which leads to the condition or normal function, if they were lucky. Because we don't know why most of the genome is. We know ATCGGGGTTTAATGCCAT but we don't know what it translates into.

So, for someone, who, and i'm going to be rude again, has a hell of a lot less knowledge of science that i do, to tell me that science is the answer, when it's doubtful that they are even aware of its limitations, pisses me off. And when they think they're right and don't even step up to the table of debate, that quadrouple pisses me off. Twats.

That pissed me off, the fact that he was trying to pull Hg pissed me off, the fact that i'd just shared a very personal example of faith with the twat face and then had to be reminded of something very sad, that pissed me off too, realising that perhaps i'm not as over Hg as i thought i was pissed me off no end and then, as always in shite generic indie clubs, champagne supernova came on and i felt like dying inside. So i left. And cried all the way home.

I knocked on Li when i got in. He was drunk, as usual. I think i scared him slightly as he's not seen me very upset in a while. I tried to leave whilst still smoking but he grabbed the cigarette out of my hand. Si, who lives on our corridoor and will be living in the 14 bed house next year, knocked on my door to tell me my keys were in the kitchen. It was a bit of a bad moment to knock for me. I think i may have freaked her out slightly, but it's fine. On my birthday i cried so hard i couldn't see. For about 20 minutes, continuously. Now, the only thing that stops me being embaressed by that is that there was a good reason for it. I went downstairs to give Hg her guitar back and after a bit of conversation she got quite pissed off at me for not telling her i'd left. She had a bit of a go. When a friend of ours walked into the room she actually asked if we were "having a moment." To which we both promptly answered "No." Honestly, if i'd had to have told someone i was going i think i would have actually exploded with sadness and have been sucked into the black hole which would have appeared right under my feet, in the club, specially designed just to be the right size to fit me and all others that try desperately not to cry in public places into it.