Mentor

I do a lot of what would probably be considered community work. I am a beaver leader (yes, haha, lesbian joke) and every wednesday i help run the beaver pack of my local scout group. The boys there are 6-8 years old, so quite young. Too young to read properly. Young enough to still be using the "Naughty Step" technique popularised by Super Nanny. And, admittedly, a bit of a handful sometimes. I peer mentor as well..and am in a position of trust. I sometimes think to myself "what the fuck am i getting into here" because i am no life expert, i am young and do not have all the answers but sit there and have to rack my brains, attempting to offer some sort of advice.

I wonder why i do so much of it, and it's not so i look good on a CV, i promise you. It's because, when i was in TSH i had a really horrid time. I never want anyone to feel that again, so, instead of hating it and wishing its system of belief would crumble before the authority figures eyes, i accepted this was the way, and tried to do my very small bit to change it in the best way i could. This way seems to be through mentoring.

Being on the receiving end is incredibly strange though. It's as though the tables have turned and i sit behind the calm facade, as opposed to being the angry, broken young person. Very strange.

This makes me think of what happened with TJ, an advisor of one sort or another who i..well..who i kind of..fell in love with. She saved my life, i firmly believe that if i had not spoke to her i would have killed myself. And i want nothing more than to thank her for it. But i have no idea where she is. She transferred after we stopped talking, to a school near but doesn't work there now. I know, knowing how it feels to be on the other side of he table, that i would want to be told. To know how they were and to be thanked. I would be touched that i'd made that difference to someone's life, saved someones life.

But i have no way of contacting her.