Flirting?

So, what really is flirting? And how obvious does it have to be to be classed as flirting. Can a simple touch be flirting, or, alternatively, a sideways glance in their direction? What is it? I turn to the built in dictionary on my mac. And it is quite helpful. Within western society these are;

• Eye contact, batting eyelashes, etc.

• "Protean" signals, such as touching one's hair

• Casual touches; such as a woman gently touching a man's arm during conversation

• Smiling suggestively

• Winking

• Sending notes, poems, or small gifts

• Flattery

• Online chat is a common modern tactic, as well as other one-on-one and direct messaging services

• Footsie, the "feet under the table" practice

• Teasing

• Consistent meeting

But i think these pointers are very basic and serve only to crudely define to an unequipped observer what flirting may consist of. The true nature of flirting is much more complex and can not be defined in a series of bullet points. The act of flirting, i think, exists as a prelude to physical intimacy and serves to entice the object of ones affections further. Also, it is a very feminine act as the subtlties are usually too..ambiguous for a man to interpret. I think, when a man is on the recieving end of a woman who is blatantly trying it, he will know, but otherwise many men remain unaware and in a state of blissful ignorance. Or not, as the case may be.

Personally, the flirting and or signals that i read and emmit are way below the usual radar of any man. I don't "like to lay it on thick" as it were and i most definately do not go beyond the slight touch of the arm. Which can sometimes be to my detriment. But nine times out of ten it doesn't matter anyway, as the end result is usually the same. Or, it was before i became attatched. There would be an exchange of numbers and maybe a snog. And then i'd avoid their calls and never see them again.

Gosh, i've been going round in circles and not really saying much here. For me, flirting isn't about showing your interest, sending the "i want you" subliminal messages, it's about gradually pushing the barriers which are usually present between two people, playing a game of perception and reaction, a game with two living players and no limits. And if the game they play is a boring one; then they loose out.

There is this person who i suppose i would call a friend as i know them but not too well. I think she fancies either the GF or I or both combined (now wouldn't that be fun!) and i think i may have very subtly flirted with her. Unintentionally of course. After exchanging a few words, she inquired as to how my interview went (how she knew i had an interview i don't know) and we chatted about university, she tried to light a cigarette and couldn't. Without saying anything i took the lighter and lit it for her. It was only a few seconds but there was a boundry that was crossed.

As any smoker will know (i myself am an ex-smoker) it is a strangely intimate thing when someone lights a cigarette for you. Both couppled around a single lighter, heads bent down together, near enough to feel their breath on your skin. And then it was over. And then i was walking away. It was a strange encounter. I don't fancy her though. So there's no chance of straying loyalties.

The Master Plan (how to shag TFO-that sounds rather crude..i need a new word to describe shagging) needs careful consideration and deliberation over the maze of body language and "flirting" tactics that will be used. But, in the end, one thing needs to happen; a kiss. Once that line has been crossed there is no turning back.

One of the mentee's said a funny thing in a session; "there's one thing that you have over teachers; they can't touch you." And it's true. And it exacerbates the problem even more. How on earth to act when a simple touch is so taboo.

Oh, fuck it. Who cares. Whatever happens will happen. And my new word shall be sleep with. And this is no game to me. I joke, but if something were to happen i understand how imperative secrecy is.

Due to the interview i missed the only lesson i have with her and she asked a friend to give me some work. The friend, knowing the situation, explained this to me; "TFO (i also need to find a new name for her) started to write a note on the work but then scribbled it out again. It might have been because she only wanted you to read it and knew that if i gave it to you, i would have read it." I don't know what the note was about, what her reason for writing it was or why she decided against it but i know that to start to write and then scribble something out is unusual behaviour. Also, she has casually come into every lesson i have with the other teacher. Every one, ok, there have only been like 3 but still. It's 3 more than usual. And just before she leaves she surveys the room, looking for what, i don't know as my head is always avoiding eye contact. Oh, how gay i am.