Iterveiw

fucking hell

when thinking over what happened previously, you always think of what you could have changed, what you coud have done better and what glaring errors you made. And, gosh, this is no different. There are a few glaring errors.

The ethical question was about performance enhancing drugs and sportspeople, whether or not they should use them Which number 1, was gay, because i was expecting a question bout the NHS in some round about form. But i still said some stuff, the main error in my thinking was that all performace enhancing drugs would be illegal steroids. “think outside the box i did not” And this showed. The male interviewer asked “so what if an athlete trians at high altitudes to produce a chemical in their blood which enhances performance but another injects it” and BAM i immediately thought steroids, ignoring that the chemical would not be detrimental to their health. Which was a pitfall. And he asked “so i can’t change your mind then” and i shook my head, not realising what he was asking. It was probably due to nerves because normally i would have realised. What a fish.

The second error was when answering the “why do you want to be a doctor” question. It really was a pissy, blabbery, not really saying much kind of answer. I spoke about doing the duke of Edinburgh awards and how that gave me the confidence and self belief to pursue the career but i couldn’t say why. But the real answer simply is just because i want to help people, i want to make a difference through medicine. I know what i forgot to put in. About medicine being the perfect combination of science and people work. I didn’t talk about the science of medicine. For fucks sake. what an idiot.

Honestly, i don’t think i’ve done well. Not well at all. And i doubt if they’ll give me an offer. Two out of the three questions were missing large chuns of answer. God, i wish i could just say “i don’t know why the fuck i want to be a doctor, OK?! I just know that i do, because it’s the career for me. And you know how i know this? Because of all the community work i’ve done and because of the work experience i’ve done and because I JUST WANT TO DO SOMETHING TO BENEFIT OTHER PEOPLE. I’m not stupid, i know what medicine entails, i’ve seen it for myself, i’m not delusional. JUST LET ME IN.”

I can’t stop thinking about it. And i keep thinking about it, thinking of the things i could have done better; the “why do you want to be a doctor” answer. It was awful. Just awful. A load of rubbish.

I really should do some exercise or something...i just had a vision of smashing my laptop against the train window.

A good point; i spoke about giving old ladies prescriptions and talking to them, making them smile, whilst doing the GP experience. The lady seemed to think it was nice.

oh fuck. they get back to me in 2-4 weeks.