U's U's everywhere, plenty enough to go around. And a medical form.

The GF got a U in her AS re-sit. She got a U in her AS and was hoping to get higher this year. I am very worried for her. This is her third year of AS/A2 and if she leaves with only 2 full A-levels it will be terrible. I don't know what to say to her, or what advice to suggest but there most definitely will not be any "i told you so's" because, although i did, there is no point. She should have taken Film. Nice and easy. Not too stressful, and you're guaranteed at least a B. But she took music. And now she has to deal with it. And so do i.

This wave of U's is not making me feel uber confident about myself. And i was very nearly almost late for work because of a semi-explainable crying fit just before i had to leave. Sometimes i think, if i heard voices, then i really would be 100% schizophrenic.

Some icing on the metaphorical cake of life; a medical disclosure form from manchester asking for all health details. Which would normally be fine but..it includes mental health. And also requires a GP's signature. Which is fine, my GP is a knob who i've not ever seen, not even once since registering with him when i was 7. He'll sign the form, cross the T's and stamp the stamp. It's just the practicalities that worry me. Because, at one point in my hypothetical training IF (a capitalised IF) i get the grades, i will have to expose my fore-arms. And unfortunatly the scarring looks as though it is permenant.

There is very little colour in them now and what's left is a..like a very thick stretch mark. But lots of them, going downwards from my wrist to my elbow. But, regardless of what they look like, they are there. That is my dilemma. They are there, obvious and glaring. And i think they always will be.

So, the questions in question; "Have you ever been affected by mental health problems eg. ...over-dose or self-harm.." answer; tick "yes" or "no" box, give details (condensed into 3 lines) below. "Have you ever received treatment from a psychiatrist, psychotherapist or counsellor?" answer; tick "yes" or "no" box.

If i lie, i lie directly. It is not a case of a non-truth. It is a lie. And at the bottom it says "i understand that if this is later shown not to be the case it may result in the offer of a place being withdrawn or reconsideration of my suitability to continue with my course." so, regardless of if they would or not, they hold the right to chuck me off.

I want to be honest; i want to talk to Hilary (that will take some balls) and ask her to write a letter briefing them and explaining to them that i'm fine. Because that way is better, there is no deciept. But fuck me it will be hard to call Hilary.

This makes me glad of one thing; that the NHS do not hold any of my records. That i am not at the mercy of my G-fucking-P. That i will never, ever, have to formally declare my history unless i fully wish to do so. Because none of it is on file.

I think i will have to call Hilary. Because lying is, well, you can't really lie about the writing on the wall now can you?