First Day Back

And it wasn't as horrific as i'd expected.

I had the sense of impending doom so i decided it'd probably be best if i did something constructive with my time..so i went and got Happy with this guy [and several of his friends] who i'd spoken to for perhaps..2 minutes at a night on Saturday. It might have been bad, but i had a nice feeling..i went with my gut..and my desire to get Happy, but not purely for the high, for the social element of it. To give it a go, at meeting new people and doing new things. It went really well, he was lovely, his friends were safe..we jammed. It was cool, a nice way to unwind.

With sexuality, this vast thing we have here infront of us, it is impossible for it to be black and white, gay and straight, just simply impossible. We as humans love too much for our love to be constrained to just one gender. I've thought this for a while, but its now developed a second element. This second element is this; we interact with others but only a few we get along with, truly understand. This may be due to nurturing whilst young or societal factors which cause animosity between known groups but unkown people, whatever the reason, it is true. It explains why we're friends with some and not others.

When we have this connection with someone, regardless of thier gender, it makes the foundations of a brilliant friendship. This connection is necessary for a substained sexual attraction to occur as, when the fire of attraction filters out [unless the sexual chemistry is absolutely mind blowing] there has to be something more. Sustained sexual attraction eventually leads to love. The blur comes when we don't know who we are attracted to, as attraction is such an abstract concept. Perhaps why people who wouldn't normally consider themselves to belong under the same sex attraction umbrella fall in love with people of all shapes, sizes, genders and sexualities. Perhaps even why i haven't ruled out the fact i may well one day be attracted to and fall in love with a male.